Turn "What if" into Why not...

Today as I was driving in to Calgary I was pondering the funk I have been feeling off and on for the past couple of months (really), and  it brought me to thoughts of faith. 

When we hold faith what we are really doing is trusting. 

Trusting that everything is going to be OK. 

Trusting that it is all going to work out for our best and highest.

 And most importantly trusting in ourselves that we have the guts to keep putting one foot in front of the other, continually taking steps towards our hopes and dreams, which leads us to trusting that the universe/god/creator will back us up.

Right now in this very moment of time I am struggling with that trust.  I have reached a point in my life, in this moment, where I am actually making goals for myself on so many different levels and it is beginning to feel a little overwhelming. 

I have never and I mean NEVER been a goal setter.  I always thought that I would just roll with life and allow whatever was to be for me to be.  And to be honest I love that philosophy...

BUT I have realized that to propel myself forward, it is time to set some actual goals.  No more waiting around for the universe to step in and "show" me the way. Now is the time to start carving out a path for me and I gotta be honest here.  I am scaring the crap out of myself.

All those old doubts start to surface, you know what I'm talking about here.  All the "what ifs"

What if I can't do it

What if I try and I fail

What if I make an idiot out of myself in the effort

and the all encompassing... What if I'm not good enough...

So in feeling all of these doubts and wondering where in the world my always there, standby trust and faith has gone (remember all this is happening in my head while driving in my car) I look up and what do I see....

 a Hawk, with no fear, soaring high above the earth, in full trust that it will not fall.  The universe is supporting that Hawk as it soars through the air on wings of trust.  It does not question whether it can fly, it just does it.  So maybe I can too.

For the rest of my driving this morning I saw a total of 14 Hawks!!  All soaring high in the sky.  Must be a sign and for me it is one that rings very strongly in my heart as the Hawk is my main power animal and tends to show up for me when I am stepping in the right direction. 

So today I am taking my lesson from those Hawks and have decided to spread my wings and fling myself off the cliff.  I have also decided to leave all my expectations behind. 

They can stay on the cliff and dig their own little "what if" hole.  I don't need them anymore because I have wings.

But as you know these are just one girls thoughts, so you tell me, where do you find that trust?  How do you manage to step forward through all the what ifs and do it anyway??  I would love to hear your stories and experiences so please feel free to leave them in the comments :)


If you would like more information about the services that Nicole offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

The cycles of grief

So my friends, yesterday was my moms birthday and as many of you are aware, she passed away last year.  This was the first birthday we have had since she has been gone, and last night I was all ready to write a blog post about how hard grief is and how it can sneak up on us and pull us under in an emotional whirlwind.

I do still feel this is true but events of the day and talking with an amazing friend have helped me to change my perspective somewhat about grief and the various ways it can affect us.

For me the last week or so has been very difficult in an under the surface way and of course I did not want to look at why I was feeling like hiding from the world.  I was doing everything I could to avoid acknowledging that I was hurting emotionally and missing my mom like crazy.

So yesterday my dad and I took a trip to where we spread her ashes last fall.  While we were there I felt peaceful, happy, and sad and lost all at the same time.  I was concerned about my dad and how he was dealing, and I was concerned about myself because I could see I was in full fledged avoidance mode.  If I don't look at it then it's not real.  If I don't acknowledge it then that can't possibly be what I am feeling.  This mode never really works, especially when you are in a space that you can see that you are in the avoidance mode.  It basically shatters the illusion really.

So we came back to the city, spent some time with family and then the world began to move on once more.  I couldn't seem to shake the feeling though.  That lost feeling of sadness and vulnerability, and some piece of me welcomed that feeling.  It really wanted me to just fall into it.  To allow it to grow and take over everything, my work, my feelings, my life....

This is where the original idea for a blog post was stemming from, that awful feeling of being alone to deal with the sadness of "losing" my mom.  That no one could possibly understand and that the feelings themselves seemed to have a life of their own that I could not shake.  In all honesty though, this could not be further from the truth.

There are many people out there who are dealing with grief on many different levels.  Whether it is the loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, or even the loss of a job.  Right now many people are also trying to deal with the "loss" of who they thought they were, or who they were striving to be and that is like a death as well.

We are ever changing and growing, the old falls away to make way for the new.  New Ideas, new inspirations, new thoughts.  Death is a part of our daily life and is integral to the development and learning that we choose to come here and participate in.

So through the amazing conversation with my friend Tim, who is also a life coach, I came to a beautiful realization and have renewed a commitment to myself that I had let slide a bit over the last couple of weeks. 

At my core, my essence is joy.  It is always there, it is always with me and no matter what I am going through, dealing with or feeling. That joy is always there right in the center of my soul, just waiting for me to remember and allow myself to connect to it.  To see the beauty of life that is all around me.  To see the positive in every situation and to really appreciate the simple things.  To be in the moment and allow myself to love that moment right now, as it is, with no expectations and no judgements.

So in short, I choose to remember my mom in joy, to grieve her in joy and to always love her as she is as much a part of my joy as she was a part of my life.  I let go of the need to wallow in sadness and to let that despair of not being able to physically connect with her in this life get me down.

Will I still have moments of sadness? you betcha, and I will allow these cycles of sadness to wash over me.  I will acknowledge them and feel them and then I will allow them to go.  I will consciously step into the joy of my memories of her.  I will cry with her and laugh with her, because she is with me always, in my heart and in my joy!

So you see my friends, you have a choice in how you decide to deal with your grief, in whatever situation that grief is stemming from.  You can choose to stay in the negative space, the sorrow and the sadness.  You can choose to wallow OR you can allow yourself to feel those feelings, connect with them on a base level and then let them go.  You can choose to step into the challenge of life, and you can choose to accept that challenge with an attitude of love and joy.

but hey these are just one girls thoughts, so I will leave you to make your own decision...

For more information about my friend, the amazing Tim Kessler and his coaching, nature questing, fitness and barefooting programs please visit his website at http://livetikelife.com/

If you would like more information about Nicole Tunheim and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Kinda feels heavy doesn't it...

Lately I have been talking to many people who have expressed that they are feeling heavy, tired and even a little low.  Almost like they are wading through heavy sand and just can't seem to lift their feet up high enough to create momentum.  I also have been feeling this in many areas of my life (of course the main areas I am feeling this resistance in are the ones I am trying to work on the most, lol)

So what is this heavy feeling that seems to be plaguing so many of us? 

Well as I understand it there is a heck of alot happening under the surface in our subconscious minds at the moment and we are doing an amazing amount of energetic shifting without even being consciously aware of it.  So maybe we should just cut ourselves a little bit of a break....

On top of this glorious unconscious shifting and the releasing of old patterns and limiting beliefs (that we don't even have to work at I might add), we are also clearing and releasing for our lineages and the ancestors.  The planet and all of us on it are actually doing the work to release the past, THE PAST!! 

This is huge and has not been done before.  We are in the process of clearing out the old energy and the old belief systems that have been carried for, well it feels like forever, so I am just going to say it that way... forever.  In reality (or at least the reality we perceive) we are really doing a major load of work here.

So my friends, cut yourself a break, and start looking at being ok with where you are right in this moment.  So if you are giving yourself a hard time because you have stepped back into some old habits that you had thought you had released for good, that's ok.  It just happens to be where you are right now in this moment.  Will those habits hang around forever, no they won't, but this is where you are so embrace it.  Love yourself in the moment, not when you think things will be perfect because frankly... Things are perfect RIGHT NOW!!

But hey, these are just one girls thoughts....

If you would like more information on the intuitive and healing services Nicole offers please visit the website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Balance... How exactly does that work again??

As I sit in this incredibly beautiful setting with the water in front of me, the sun shining and a light breeze playing in the nature of the day, I still have to wonder... where in the world did my balance go?

Did I ever really have it to begin with?? 

I have noticed that I seem to be a creature of extremes.  Growing up I was your average child of the 80’s with middle class parents who provided me and my brother with everything we could ever need.  Is this what perpetuated the cycle of instant gratification that my generation has become so dependent on? 

As a teenager I bought into the “grunge” movement and embraced a false depression that I think all teenagers play with while their brain attempts to re-wire itself.  I chose to deal with this by turning to marijuana and I fell deep into that pool of numbness so I could wade through life with no responsibility, just like I was able to coast as a child.

I woke up at 27, never really having grown or taken much responsibility for my life or what I wanted in the future... My first step upon waking was to leave my marriage and the world exploded with possibility.

So for the last 5 years I have been trying to find my balance in life while stepping into my power and onto my life path.  I left my corporate job; I went back to school and developed my natural gifts.  Now I work my dream job as an intuitive healer and artist, yet I am still struggling for balance.  I still live my life in extremes and boy do I love a good distraction. 

I talk a great talk to myself and to be honest my clients.  I channel great advice for balance from spirit for those who come to see me, yet I still cannot seem to step into and use that advice for myself. 

Oh I know that it would benefit me greatly to meditate daily, exercise regularly, and eat in a cleaner more health conscious manner.  I have days where I am determined to make changes the very next day.  Then that day comes and another distraction happens or my schedule gets in the way.

I have noticed that this is a pattern that other healers struggle with as well.  We are so busy making sure we are there for our clients that we disregard and “forget” about ourselves.  So how do we create the change that brings balance?

I think part of it is letting go of the expectation that it will all happen at once, as well as allowing ourselves to shift into that space of balance at our own pace.  No more being hard on myself if I just can’t bring myself to do yoga one morning, or if I really just want that chocolate cake.  But in saying this there does also have to be a conscious sense of moderation.  Maybe I want that treat but I don’t really need to have it every day. 

Also listening to what your body wants and needs, being aware of what will make me feel good and what is making me feel kinda crappy is a great step in the right direction.  So in the name of balance I plan (and I use this term loosely) to listen and make time for what my body, mind, emotions and spirit is asking for.  As well as listening when they speak up and tell me that what I just did, did not really serve me at all. 

Maybe this is all I can do in the name of balance right now, but I feel it is a step in the right direction.  But hey these are just one girls thoughts... you make up your own mind J

If you would like more information about the Intuitive, healing and artistic services offered by Nicole please check out the website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Windows to the soul or reflections of self...

The other day I was talking with a good friend of mine while driving from High River into Calgary (on hands free of course, safety first) and I had a HUGE realization...

Those of you who have read past posts will note that I have jumped back on the dating band wagon recently and was having some frustration with it, well, as my friend and I were talking a very interesting thought came into my head... basically it was:

In my past relationships I had fallen so very hard, not because I had found that ultimate romantic love, it would seem, but because when I peered into my partners eyes I saw their divinity looking back at me.  Divinity being pure love, how could I not respond with a deep love of my own... 

Over time, on some level, I would realize that this is what I was seeing and after myself and my partner had shifted each other and fulfilled that ever loving contract we set out to complete with each other in this life, it was time to move on.  At this point I was always left with one question... was that really love?  Was that really what a romantic connection, and unconditional love really felt like?

Obviously if I am asking this question than no it probably isn't, so what have I been responding to and "falling" in love with all this time. 

The realization I had while driving that day was that I was responding to and falling in love with the utter beauty and divine light of that persons soul as it was shining through in their eyes and as well I was falling in love with myself as the divinity of my soul was also being reflected back at me through their eyes.  Not in how they saw or perceived me but in the beauty of their soul I could not help but see the beauty in mine.  (Always comes back to us all being one doesn't it... lol)

Once again it was a perception changing thought and it has completely changed how I view relationships and love.  I can't help but see the divine being or soul of everyone now when I look into their eyes and I ultimately feel a deep connection and love with and for them (even when my human side rears its head and they are royally pissing me off). 

But this still brings me back to that question.... what is romantic love then? How can I see the divine in and love everyone around me but still have a beautiful unique connection with one person?  Does it even exist and will I ever really find it?

I will be honest at this point I have no answers to these questions but I do know that there are certain people who come into my life that I feel a bit of a different type of love for.  I don't want to say I feel more deeply or even that I feel more for these people.  All I can say is there is a different type of connection that I cannot name or place.  Some may call it soul family, or past life connections.  I simply see it as a convergence of energy and we obviously are resonating with each other at this time, and have somethings to teach each other.

Is that a definition of love... I don't know.  All I can do is continue to move forward with an open mind and an open heart, ever loving and continuing to recognize the beauty in everyone I meet.  Will that one person come along who sparks a little something more one day?  I am sure they will, but will it be forever, I won't ever know until forever happens I guess....

But hey these are just one girls thoughts so whose to say we have to wait for forever, maybe just maybe its about living in the moment and the energy of that moment, allowing yourself to let go and just feel without fear of consequence.

I wanted to share that when I had that realization while driving that day a hawk flew right in front of my car just barely missing my windshield.... this held great significance for me and completely reinforced the ideals behind that thought and this post



If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Wait isn't this supposed to be fun?

If I could be who you wanted would I still like the person I have become?

Why is it we sometimes get in these cycles of wanting to be what everyone else wants us to be and we forget who we are or at least who we would like ourselves to be?!?  I have been stuck in this strange place lately where I want to be desired and I want to be wanted but at what risk to myself?

Can I continue to play this lovely game of what would you like from me today and still be able to look at myself in the mirror and love me for me?  OK this is already becoming a conundrum of questions that are leading us no where, and honestly it is not quite as bad as that (dramatic moment).  What has been happening is I have stepped back into the world of dating and am feeling discourage, frustrated and let down by the process and the discoveries I have made about myself in this process.

Oh and by stepping back into the dating world I mean online dating, which so far has been an exercise in frustration with a heck of a lot of effort and little to no connection.  Meeting people in person makes it so much easier to know if there is any point in talking, that energetic connection (even for friendships alone) is right there and very apparent.  In text though, not so much...

So in getting back on the band wagon, as it were, I have realized that many of those past relationship "wounds" that I thought I had gotten past and even healed are still there, just waiting to jump into light at the slightest provocation. 

One of these is the lonelies.  How much am I willing to compromise on just to have a companion or some flat out affection from the opposite sex.  How much am I willing to "put up with" that normally I wouldn't even consider just because I am feeling a little vulnerable and a little lost and would love to have that connection again. 

I gotta be honest here, I feel pathetic just writing about this but it's true.  I have watched myself compromise and put up with a lot just because I am hopeful that maybe, just maybe, a little piece of me will be fulfilled from this encounter.  Now I am not talking about one night stands, as much as I would love to say I can be detached enough to have a night of nookie and just walk away with no emotion attached, well that is just not me.  So those aren't even in the picture. 

I am talking about dating for the sake of dating but allowing myself to be sucked into the allure of just having someone, and then when my expectations (I know first issue right there) are not met, feeling disillusioned, hurt and even rejected.  Holy vicious cycle batman!!  Because even though I am hurt, I still stick around because I like the idea of having someone, even a not serious someone, just someone.  I allow my head and heart to be played with and to be honest no one but me is doing that playing.

I have had a couple of good friends call me on my Sh*t in the last couple of days and the message is really the same.  Dating is supposed to be fun, so what am I missing here that for me it has become a frustrating and ego killing experience. (I was so much better at this when I was 17). 

To be honest I think part of me cares a little too much, and another part is still putting to much owness on others for how I view myself.  If I could just know in my heart that I am really a kick ass person, who any man would be lucky to date let alone be in a relationship with, maybe I would be able to have more fun with this.  I could give or take the thought of rejection because frankly it would be "their loss".

So the plan now.... is to just focus on me.  To focus on reconnecting to that love I have for myself and for me to be the person I want to be.  No judgements, no limitations, just me for me.  Because I am a pretty awesome girl, but I am a much awesomer (is that even a word? spell check says no) girl when I am standing in my power loving me for me. 

Will this be a work in progress?  Oh yes I have no doubt, but at least I have an awareness around it now and I don't think I will be letting others dictate who I am on any given day anymore. 

It's time to get outta my head and back into my heart, I now just have to work on slowly allowing the mind to shut the heck up...

So if you have any advice to share on the path of dating, I would love to hear it!  And thanks for reading my rant, as you know these are just one girls thoughts...

If you can love with an open heart

in all areas of your life

then you can live in bliss

for you have found the secret

For more information about the intuitive and healing services Nicole offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Perspective, just a little bit...

It is so interesting how we can get caught up in our own perceptions and perspectives in life and miss some of the most amazing lessons and experiences that are hovering right in front of us.

I had a great realization today that I could have possibly been sharing amazing conversations with a close family member but because of my perception that he may not understand me or my beliefs I never gave it a shot.  Then I was directed to something he had written and posted and I was blown out of my perspective space and realized that sometimes asking may be the better course of action rather than sitting in assumption (can I make an ass out a u and me...)

It just goes to show that even when we are actively working to be open and accepting of everyone around us, judgement can sometimes creep in, at least for me that is as I can only speak of my personal experience. 

So what does this really say about my own judgements on myself (because any judgement we put on others is really an internal judgement waiting to be recognized)!?!

Well, I feel it says that I am actually not fully accepting the beliefs that I claim to carry as my own and upon some deeper reflection have realized that I am not walking all of my talk.  We live in a world where love is needed for everyone on all levels so acceptance can abound and I know many many people who are working on and with these ideals, but am I?

I will be honest, I am doing my darnedest to love myself and let go of judgement but part of that process is to follow the advice that seemingly falls out of my mouth when I am doing a reading, or a counselling session, or even an energy healing.  If you repeat the same message to 3 different people, you better listen up as well because that message is for you too.

I know all of these things on an intellectual level, so now how do I get them to resonate on a heart level so my follow through happens naturally?  Some would say fake it till you make it, but in all truthfulness that really doesn't feel very good.

What feels right is to ALLOW, step out of my own way and let the universe take the reins for a while.   Sit in the love of my heart and allow the rest of me to catch up a little.  I can already see some of the flow happening and I can feel the syncronisities falling into place, but I also can feel that niggling feeling of resistance. So I am going to ask the universe and my angels and guides to come in and dissolve it for me. 

It's so interesting how we feel we have to control and make everything happen for ourselves, when a simple little, hey guys I could use a hand here, on the energetic and spiritual level could be all you need to leap forward and watch the resistance vanish.  Sometimes I just have to laugh a little at myself. (in a good way of course)

So where are you sitting, in love, in the flow or maybe in a little bit of resistance.  Don't be afraid to reach out and up for a little hand, that's what our guides and angels love to do for us.  Help us out!  Maybe this will help you to step forward on a path that seemed a little daunting and scary at first.  Asking and allowing is really all it takes.  But hey these are just one girls thoughts, play with these ideas and you be the judge...lol

For more info on the services I offer please visit my website at www.intuitivebalance.ca