Vulnerability....

I thought vulnerability would be easy.  To me being vulnerable is being honest and open, as well as honoring where other people are and not letting that affect me or my emotions.

I was wrong... it’s not that easy.  Because I work as a healer I ask my clients to be vulnerable with me on a regular basis and I try very hard to hold space for them so they are comfortable doing so.  Then I stepped into a space where I needed to be vulnerable for my own personal healing, and wow, I was so very uncomfortable. 

I found it very hard to open myself up and allow myself to be in that vulnerable space.  I just kept thinking that I needed to be strong, and I would get through it, but my angels kept telling me it was time to ask for help.  To step out of my comfort zone of being the rock and into a softer space of admitting I could use someone to hold space for me. 

It is interesting that the biggest fear that surfaced from this realization was the fear of rejection.  I was so concerned that I would ask for help and no one would be there.  Looking back I realize that this was a little silly of me, as I have an amazing group of friends that would never reject me when I was in a space of need, nor would they diminish what I was dealing with.  They may not come down to where I was and wallow with me, but I could always count on then to show up and help to pull me out and shift me forward.

So where in the world was this fear coming from?  Why did I feel that I had to shoulder everything I was thinking, feeling and struggling with alone?

To be honest, some of it was from past experiences of reaching out and not having the support that I have now.  Another part of it was the simple human fear of being judged, as I was judging myself for being in that space in the first place. 

It made me realize that I have a very soft heart and I am terrified of being hurt.  And on the heels of that thought was the realization that if we do not step out and take risks with our heart we don’t get to experience the beauty of growth and the beauty of community. 

It’s ok to be vulnerable, and if we can step out of a place of judgement against ourselves and into a space of being ok with where we are right now, the benefits that will flow from that are heart and eye opening.  It’s ok to be triggered by people in our lives, as they are just showing us something within ourselves that needs to be looked at, and shifted or released.  And finally it is ok to love people in your life, to love them fully in the best way you can day to day, to be there for them and to allow them to be there for you...

But hey, these are just one girls thoughts...

If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca