Simply Love...

Last Thursday I had one of those days when you just have to cocoon.  I had to honor the feelings that were arising in me and be in my own personal box for a while.  After trying to distract myself and analyze what I was feeling and where it could possibly be coming from I decided to just allow myself to feel, without judgement and without needing to "fix" it.

So I went into my healing room, grabbed my giant piece of rose quartz, propped it up in my lap and watched a TED talk by Shane Koyczan.  This TED talk is by far the most beautiful I have ever seen and it stirred up a ton of emotion within me.  You see, he speaks about how we are told what we are as we grow up, and how we either take on those beliefs from other people OR we just have to believe they were wrong, because... they have to be wrong. 

After watching this I took the time to go within and meditated for about an hour, then I allowed myself a really really good cry.... the point of all of this is what happened when I finished crying. 

I had an overwhelming urge to write, so I grabbed my phone and in the notes wrote the following:

It is important to remember that love flows from with in. It's just that sometimes it feels like we can't find it even though its always there, it never leaves, it never turns on us in judgment, and it never sees us and wants something more. It is pure unconditional love. It is god, the universe and everything sitting, flowing and moving within each of us at all times. So why do we turn away from ...it. Why do we not see it when it is right there under our noses or even staring us right in the face.
Why do we place so much value on how we are viewed externally than how we are viewed from within. How we see ourselves. That needs to be the gauge we use to determine our personal self worth. The outer gauge is colored by others perceptions as well as how they are feeling about themselves. And that tends to be determined by how they think others feel about them.
It's time to take the power back. It's time to feel that unconditional love that is in all of us for ourselves.
It's so easy to give away the responsibility of our perceptions. It's much easier to believe what we are told rather than searching for the truth within ourselves. Because looking in is scary. Who knows what might be in there BUT the truth is there is only love. Anything else is just smoke and mirrors. A distraction from the amazing ness of the light we each hold within us.
Maybe it's scary to see that light and know we are amazing and to know we are love at our core, in our deepest places. Maybe we are scared that once connected to that love our lives will appear wanting. That we haven't fulfilled the PLAN. That we might have to make changes and the ripple effects of those changes could create chaos in our world.
But sometimes chaos is good, sometimes it is needed and change is ever present whether we want it or not because that's life. Life is change and growth. So why not make conscious changes. Look in and see what is not working anymore. What does not line up with you and make some choices, some changes. Be proactive instead of letting life live you maybe it's time to live life...

It came out of me like verbal diarrhea and when I read it over I was a little amazed so I wanted to share it with all of you who take the time to read my blog :) 

Self love is so important and if we could drop the fear of how we are viewed externally and run with the love that courses through our veins I feel the world would benefit.

But hey, these are just one girls thoughts....

 

 

Here is the link for the TED Talk that I speak of above: http://www.ted.com/talks/shane_koyczan_to_this_day_for_the_bullied_and_beautiful.html

 

I encourage eveyone to watch this with an open mind and an open heart.

 

For more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca



Can you roll with life and keep your own cup full?

Life throws us all kinds of hiccups and bumps as we walk our journeys and normally we are all able to take them in stride and just roll along right...
 
Because life keeps going and if we don't keep walking with it, where are we left?

I have been great at rolling with life and making the decisions that are best for me in the moment.  I have walked away from a marriage that I was very unhappy in, I have moved countless times and I have completely changed my chosen career.  I made it through the passing of my mom, the collapse of another very serious relationship, and the revamping of my chosen career. 

Going through all of that change was not easy, but most of the time I was able to do it with joy in my heart and a smile on my face because I knew that I was strong, I could handle it and all I had to do was keep moving forward and making the best decisions for me that I could.

Interestingly I have been recently going through another phase of change and this time, even though it does not appear as extreme as some of the changes I have faced so far, this time I am struggling.  To be blunt and frank and get straight to the point, I'm sad and I don't know why.  I am completely unmotivated and have seemingly lost my drive to do, well, anything.

Today as I was driving (which I often am), I thought that maybe this is what depression feels like.  An overwhelming sadness that has no source, that I can find anyway.  It is pushing me to make a decision, to possibly make some changes.  What those changes are, I'm not quite sure yet, but one thing I do know...

It is time to come back to me.  It is time to do only what makes me happy and nothing else, it is time to re-embrace myself in all my glory, perceived faults and all and just put one foot in front of the other and continue to move forward.  It is time to find the focus I desperately want and channel that focus into all the areas that are important to me, that help me to feel whole, balanced, and completely in love with myself.

How am I going to do that you ask....  well right now I am not sure, but this blog is step one.  Why?  because quite simply I love to write and it is time to let go of the fear of possible judgement on what I have written.  To be honest, this blog is for me and if you read it, I thank you.  If what I write about resonates with you, then I am blessed to have possibly made a difference, even if it is just that I have gotten you, the reader, thinking a little about the possibilities and the different perspectives out there.

Other than that, I am just going to take things one day at a time.  I am going to make sure the choices I make are for me and fill my cup, so that I can also extend a hand to others who may be struggling.  Even if it is just a simple smile on the street or a kind word at the right moment. 

We are all walking our individual journeys and sometimes we feel stuck or unhappy and have no idea why.  I personally think the best thing we can do for ourselves in those moments is to make sure we are being taken care of on all levels, and we are the only ones who can do this for ourselves.  This may mean taking a few days for you, to do whatever it is that makes you happy on a base level.  This might be daily walks in the woods or an evening bubble bath with candles and a glass of wine, or even getting back into that exercise routine that fell to the side when we got too busy.

Whatever it is for you, it's time to give back to yourself, it is time to fill your cup. 

But hey, these are just one girls thoughts....

If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Expectations, where do those lead us?

Expectations, we all have them. We place them on the people in our lives, on ourselves and on situations that we wish to control.  The interesting thing about expectations is that they usually leave us in a space of disappointment. 

As human beings we like to be in control and know what is coming for us, but that isn’t how life tends to work.  We have situations come up that we were not expecting and we have to adapt, bob and weave to get through them.  We have to be flexible to navigate through our journeys and the more we hold onto control and the need to plan out exactly how our life is going to happen the more difficult it can be to flow with whatever happens to show up for us.

This can be a heavy lesson for some and an easy lesson for others, it all depends on your perspective and how you handle having your plans changed on you.  The interesting thing about this is, when we come up against sudden change or a loss of control in a situation, it is our angels and guides asking us to trust that there is a higher reason for what we are going through and dealing with.  There is either a lesson involved for us to learn or a way to get where we are trying to go that is more stream line, and we are just not seeing it in the moment.

I recently had my personal expectations dashed and through the process realized that it was in fact for my best and highest that my expectations were not met.  I had planned to move back into Calgary from High River for the first of February.  The day I made this decision a close family member came down with some very serious health issues.  I was bound and determined to not let this stop me from moving, even though I was living with and helping this family member at the time.  I stuck to my expectations with a stubborn mind and thought nothing could hold me back from moving forward.  As more information came forward about the needs in recovery of my family member I realized that I would not be able to make the move.  I was deeply disappointed at the time as I saw this as me being held back and I could not figure out why.

Upon reflection I have realized that the house I was moving into was obviously not the right fit for me at this time, and being able to stay where I am will actually benefit me in many other areas of my life, while being there to help my family. 

My expectations were not met, but the result of being able to flow with the situation, to be flexible has benefited me in ways I had not expected.  I stepped into trust and just allowed the universe to show up for me.

I personally think we all struggle with our expectations.  They can cause us to be hard on ourselves as well as those we love.  They can create disappointment and heartache.  If we can let go of those expectations of ourselves, the people in our lives and how we think everything should work, we can step more fully into trusting that whatever happens has  positive and loving reasons behind it, whether it is something we need to learn, or just a different path to get us where we would like to go.

So when you are struggling with your own expectations, whatever they may be, take a moment to try and see the situation, or person from a different perspective.  Look for the positives that are happening in the moment and what you may be learning about yourself and those around you.  There is always a silver lining, sometimes you just have to look for it from a different angle.

But hey these are just one girls thoughts....

If you would like more information about Nicole or the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca
 

Strength in family

When we get to this time of year our thoughts generally turn to family, reconnections and spending time.  I personally feel that there is nothing more important than reconnecting and keeping those you love close, whether they be biological family or the family you have created for yourself out of your friends.

In August of 2011 my mom passed away and christmas that year was hard, harder than I thought it would be.  I made a resolution that year to keep my family close and be very involved.  I'm sad to say that even though I did my best, I don't feel it was good enough and the events of this christmas really drove that home.

I spent this christmas at the Victoria General hospital worrying about my dad, who had some rather serious health issues come up. (Don't worry though, he came through it all just fine).  It made me realize that even though I have been really making an effort to keep my immediate family close, I have still missed connecting with certain members who are very important to me.

I also realized that even though the people close to you may be the ones who frustrate and piss you off the most, they are also the ones who will always be there, who will always love you, who will always be a shoulder and dry your tears if need be.  They really are the most important people in your life and it is so important to make time for them, even if it is just a phone call to catch up and stay connected.

And finally I realized that sometimes situations happen that seem horrible and scary in the moment, but if you take a little time to really look at them, you can find the blessing.  That silver lining that shows you how fortunate it is that the situation happened.  There is always a positive side and a blessing in every situation, no matter how dire it looks at the time. 

Take a moment whenever you are dealing with something that is really triggering you, or if you are in a situation that you are not sure how to deal with.  Take that moment and look at whats going on from every possible angle.  Remember you can't go back in time and change anything, all you can do is move forward with love and find that positive angle, find that little piece of peace that you can bring forward.  The section of strength that resides within us all to just keep moving forward.

It is amazing how this helps your stress levels, believe me as I have been practicing this all month. 

We are stronger than we look and definitely stronger than we perceive ourselves to be.  It is all about your perspective and how you want to look at and take the world.  It is a beautiful and gentle place as long as you allow yourself to see it.

Wishing you all the most amazing success, love and joy in 2013.  You can create the life you want!!  All it takes is a little positivity and a whole lota trust :)

and once again these are just one girls thoughts...

If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Vulnerability....

I thought vulnerability would be easy.  To me being vulnerable is being honest and open, as well as honoring where other people are and not letting that affect me or my emotions.

I was wrong... it’s not that easy.  Because I work as a healer I ask my clients to be vulnerable with me on a regular basis and I try very hard to hold space for them so they are comfortable doing so.  Then I stepped into a space where I needed to be vulnerable for my own personal healing, and wow, I was so very uncomfortable. 

I found it very hard to open myself up and allow myself to be in that vulnerable space.  I just kept thinking that I needed to be strong, and I would get through it, but my angels kept telling me it was time to ask for help.  To step out of my comfort zone of being the rock and into a softer space of admitting I could use someone to hold space for me. 

It is interesting that the biggest fear that surfaced from this realization was the fear of rejection.  I was so concerned that I would ask for help and no one would be there.  Looking back I realize that this was a little silly of me, as I have an amazing group of friends that would never reject me when I was in a space of need, nor would they diminish what I was dealing with.  They may not come down to where I was and wallow with me, but I could always count on then to show up and help to pull me out and shift me forward.

So where in the world was this fear coming from?  Why did I feel that I had to shoulder everything I was thinking, feeling and struggling with alone?

To be honest, some of it was from past experiences of reaching out and not having the support that I have now.  Another part of it was the simple human fear of being judged, as I was judging myself for being in that space in the first place. 

It made me realize that I have a very soft heart and I am terrified of being hurt.  And on the heels of that thought was the realization that if we do not step out and take risks with our heart we don’t get to experience the beauty of growth and the beauty of community. 

It’s ok to be vulnerable, and if we can step out of a place of judgement against ourselves and into a space of being ok with where we are right now, the benefits that will flow from that are heart and eye opening.  It’s ok to be triggered by people in our lives, as they are just showing us something within ourselves that needs to be looked at, and shifted or released.  And finally it is ok to love people in your life, to love them fully in the best way you can day to day, to be there for them and to allow them to be there for you...

But hey, these are just one girls thoughts...

If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

We are all one...

I have been thinking a lot about the concept that we are all one, and had a very profound moment when talking with a friend the other day.  It was a little like a realization and a little like a memory.  Basically the words that fell out of my mouth were " we are all one as we all came from the same original soul, and are now working to attain a common vibration so we can come back together"

It was like a little hole in time opened and swallowed me up, allowing me to realize that we literally are all one, we are just vibrating on different levels and are in different areas of learning.  That is why we feel so separate, it is this illusion of separation that creates this mass growth for all of us.  That puts us in the space where we strive to understand and continue to move towards one another with compassion..  but I digress...

This conversation came into being as I had come into contact with a client who was struggling with the idea that he was a walk in.  A soul that had decided to come in and take over the life journey he had set out to have, and the soul that started that journey had decided to head home...  While working with him I realized that yes, he was a walk in BUT the soul that came in was just another piece of him.  Even though it had not been with him up to this point in his human incarnation, it was still him and it got me thinking about this concept of we are all one...

It feels very much that we are all connected but I think we are more deeply connected than originally thought.  I feel that we, in our original state are one energy, one entity, one soul, one being of thought and this is how some of us are able to connect so deeply to others.  This is caused by our vibrations being so close together that we almost sync up.  I know some of you know what I am talking about.  Like when you know your best friend is having a shitty day even though you haven't spoken to each other in a couple days.

But hey these are just one girls thoughts... I would love to hear your perceptions on this topic as well :)

We all hold each other's hearts in the palm of our hands.  Be gentle, and allow the thoughts that turn the world to create a reality of beauty and love.

 

 

To learn more about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Breaking through

We all face blocks in our lives, and some feel more strongly built than others, but I think the most disconcerting block I have faced recently was painters block.

Part of what I do for a living is to paint peoples energy on canvas and it seems as long as I have a person that I am painting for I am fine. As soon as I try and sit at the canvas and paint just for the sake of making art, or to paint for myself I hit the dreaded roadblock.  Everything that flows off my brush I hate and I get frustrated and walk away. 

This block got so bad recently that I couldn't even bring myself to sit down in front of the canvas and I was terrified that this "block" was actually creating an energy block in my getting clients for the paintings I create specific to a persons energy. I also had the lovely fear that if I did get a client for a painting that I wouldn't be able to create as I had before.

Thankfully I have great friends and one of those amazing people in my life went the extra mile to help me break through.  After an amazing little healing session with my great friend Tim Kessler, which included an awesome visualization and some therapeutic sound healing, he took me on a little adventure.  We ended up at one of his friends where I got the opportunity to play with spray paint.  A medium I had never used before but found to be versatile and so very much fun. 

This small act on his part had a huge impact on me and allowed me to open up again to the creative flow.  Knowing that with intention and remembering that creation is fun, I was able to step back into the flow and allow the art to flow from within in me instead of trying to force a preconceived idea.  Trying to force the flow to happen was completely part of the block I had been facing.  I had forgotten how to allow and play when working with the paints.

In going through this I had a realization.  We face blocks or challenges in many areas of our lives and often get frustrated and feel like we are going in circles or just standing still.  When this happens I feel we need to look at how we are approaching the area in which we are feeling that block or challenge.  Have we forgotten how to play and flow in that area of our lives?  Are we trying to force things to happen based on our expectations?

The solution generally arises when we let go and allow. Releasing our expectations to the wind and find that place of flow once again.  Not having our heart set on a specific outcome and remembering that the universe always has our best and highest in mind even if the how of getting to the destination does not fit our preconceived ideas.

So think about it, if you are feeling boxed in or stagnant in any area of your life, try letting go of those expectations and trust that the universe has got your back.  This is the place that miracles happen, this is the place that creates those magical moments that time just cannot touch....

But hey, you don't have to take my word for it, after all, these are just one girls thoughts...


                              The picture below is what I painted after the break through...

 

If you would like more information about Nicole and the healing and artistic services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

 

 

If you would like more information about Tim Kessler and the services he offers please visit his website at www.livetikelife.com