The frustrating part about this particular cold/message is that just when I feel it is lifting and I can get life back rolling again, it comes at me full circle and knocks me on my arse all over again, but in a gentle way (thank goodness).
So why do I feel like I am struggling here?? Why do I feel like I am still holding myself back and am full of fear?? Fear of succeeding, fear of not succeeding, fear of getting too busy, fear of not being busy enough, and that all encompassing fear of not being able to help, not being able to serve, not being able to make a difference...
I have tried all the angles on letting go of these fears but obviously I have been missing something. I have asked my angels and my guides to help me release them, I have done numerous clearing exercises, I have done reiki on myself and gone for reiki to energetically release but these thoughts and feelings are still hovering. I have also talked to myself for hours on end about not being attached to someone elses journey and their outcome of life whether I happen to have a moment in it or not.
Am I the only one in this boat?? Everyone else seems to float through these types of doubts with ease and grace. Even me... yes I have had a billion moments when I have walked through all of the fears I have listed above with my head held high and a beautiful inner knowing that everything is going to be OK. But I gotta be honest with you, they creep back in. You can call it EGO or just plain self doubt (an aspect of ego??) .
I feel like this all may just be plain old life... We come here to learn and grow. To find a piece of heaven on earth and to live this life with joy and that is where I usually am in my feeling and thinking. I embrace life with an attitude of joy that when I find it in others I am blown away by their perspective. BUT I also realize that to really be able to achieve this outlook there does have to be contrast or we would not recognize what we have. I feel one of the main reasons we come here to earth to have our human experience is to walk through the fear so we know how it feels to come out the other side. To have moments of sadness and heartache so we know what true joy is. And even to feel anger, jealousy and rage so that when we achieve balance we can appreciate it all the more and can access that beautiful emotion we call gratitude.
So where does all this leave me...
It leaves me with trust. Trust in myself, trust in my intuition, trust in the universe/god/my higher self or source, whatever you would like to call it. Trust that I am going to be OK and all I have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have seen too many times how many doors can open if you just take one step towards your joy or towards your dream. So I am going to keep taking those steps, even if it is a step inward towards quiet time and taking moments for myself.
For those of you who read these rambling posts I would like to thank you for allowing me a venue to write through my process and to happen upon some of my own answers when I start feeling a little low and the fear of walking forward gets a little overwhelming. So Thanks, thanks for reading and listening to this one girls thoughts....
So true. When fear loomed largest in my life, it was also accompanied by feelings of unworthiness, lack of confidence, self-doubt. And dealing with the latter seemed to take care of the fear (for the most part) Now I'm wondering if maybe we overlook that connection and try to push through fear too often. I spent years being very patient and loving with myself and used specific visualization to deal with some of the most irrational fears. What I call fear now is probably no where near what I once dealt with. I still have to remember to be patient with myself and not push through it. Now I understand (remember) why. Thanks.
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