Strength in family

When we get to this time of year our thoughts generally turn to family, reconnections and spending time.  I personally feel that there is nothing more important than reconnecting and keeping those you love close, whether they be biological family or the family you have created for yourself out of your friends.

In August of 2011 my mom passed away and christmas that year was hard, harder than I thought it would be.  I made a resolution that year to keep my family close and be very involved.  I'm sad to say that even though I did my best, I don't feel it was good enough and the events of this christmas really drove that home.

I spent this christmas at the Victoria General hospital worrying about my dad, who had some rather serious health issues come up. (Don't worry though, he came through it all just fine).  It made me realize that even though I have been really making an effort to keep my immediate family close, I have still missed connecting with certain members who are very important to me.

I also realized that even though the people close to you may be the ones who frustrate and piss you off the most, they are also the ones who will always be there, who will always love you, who will always be a shoulder and dry your tears if need be.  They really are the most important people in your life and it is so important to make time for them, even if it is just a phone call to catch up and stay connected.

And finally I realized that sometimes situations happen that seem horrible and scary in the moment, but if you take a little time to really look at them, you can find the blessing.  That silver lining that shows you how fortunate it is that the situation happened.  There is always a positive side and a blessing in every situation, no matter how dire it looks at the time. 

Take a moment whenever you are dealing with something that is really triggering you, or if you are in a situation that you are not sure how to deal with.  Take that moment and look at whats going on from every possible angle.  Remember you can't go back in time and change anything, all you can do is move forward with love and find that positive angle, find that little piece of peace that you can bring forward.  The section of strength that resides within us all to just keep moving forward.

It is amazing how this helps your stress levels, believe me as I have been practicing this all month. 

We are stronger than we look and definitely stronger than we perceive ourselves to be.  It is all about your perspective and how you want to look at and take the world.  It is a beautiful and gentle place as long as you allow yourself to see it.

Wishing you all the most amazing success, love and joy in 2013.  You can create the life you want!!  All it takes is a little positivity and a whole lota trust :)

and once again these are just one girls thoughts...

If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Vulnerability....

I thought vulnerability would be easy.  To me being vulnerable is being honest and open, as well as honoring where other people are and not letting that affect me or my emotions.

I was wrong... it’s not that easy.  Because I work as a healer I ask my clients to be vulnerable with me on a regular basis and I try very hard to hold space for them so they are comfortable doing so.  Then I stepped into a space where I needed to be vulnerable for my own personal healing, and wow, I was so very uncomfortable. 

I found it very hard to open myself up and allow myself to be in that vulnerable space.  I just kept thinking that I needed to be strong, and I would get through it, but my angels kept telling me it was time to ask for help.  To step out of my comfort zone of being the rock and into a softer space of admitting I could use someone to hold space for me. 

It is interesting that the biggest fear that surfaced from this realization was the fear of rejection.  I was so concerned that I would ask for help and no one would be there.  Looking back I realize that this was a little silly of me, as I have an amazing group of friends that would never reject me when I was in a space of need, nor would they diminish what I was dealing with.  They may not come down to where I was and wallow with me, but I could always count on then to show up and help to pull me out and shift me forward.

So where in the world was this fear coming from?  Why did I feel that I had to shoulder everything I was thinking, feeling and struggling with alone?

To be honest, some of it was from past experiences of reaching out and not having the support that I have now.  Another part of it was the simple human fear of being judged, as I was judging myself for being in that space in the first place. 

It made me realize that I have a very soft heart and I am terrified of being hurt.  And on the heels of that thought was the realization that if we do not step out and take risks with our heart we don’t get to experience the beauty of growth and the beauty of community. 

It’s ok to be vulnerable, and if we can step out of a place of judgement against ourselves and into a space of being ok with where we are right now, the benefits that will flow from that are heart and eye opening.  It’s ok to be triggered by people in our lives, as they are just showing us something within ourselves that needs to be looked at, and shifted or released.  And finally it is ok to love people in your life, to love them fully in the best way you can day to day, to be there for them and to allow them to be there for you...

But hey, these are just one girls thoughts...

If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

We are all one...

I have been thinking a lot about the concept that we are all one, and had a very profound moment when talking with a friend the other day.  It was a little like a realization and a little like a memory.  Basically the words that fell out of my mouth were " we are all one as we all came from the same original soul, and are now working to attain a common vibration so we can come back together"

It was like a little hole in time opened and swallowed me up, allowing me to realize that we literally are all one, we are just vibrating on different levels and are in different areas of learning.  That is why we feel so separate, it is this illusion of separation that creates this mass growth for all of us.  That puts us in the space where we strive to understand and continue to move towards one another with compassion..  but I digress...

This conversation came into being as I had come into contact with a client who was struggling with the idea that he was a walk in.  A soul that had decided to come in and take over the life journey he had set out to have, and the soul that started that journey had decided to head home...  While working with him I realized that yes, he was a walk in BUT the soul that came in was just another piece of him.  Even though it had not been with him up to this point in his human incarnation, it was still him and it got me thinking about this concept of we are all one...

It feels very much that we are all connected but I think we are more deeply connected than originally thought.  I feel that we, in our original state are one energy, one entity, one soul, one being of thought and this is how some of us are able to connect so deeply to others.  This is caused by our vibrations being so close together that we almost sync up.  I know some of you know what I am talking about.  Like when you know your best friend is having a shitty day even though you haven't spoken to each other in a couple days.

But hey these are just one girls thoughts... I would love to hear your perceptions on this topic as well :)

We all hold each other's hearts in the palm of our hands.  Be gentle, and allow the thoughts that turn the world to create a reality of beauty and love.

 

 

To learn more about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Breaking through

We all face blocks in our lives, and some feel more strongly built than others, but I think the most disconcerting block I have faced recently was painters block.

Part of what I do for a living is to paint peoples energy on canvas and it seems as long as I have a person that I am painting for I am fine. As soon as I try and sit at the canvas and paint just for the sake of making art, or to paint for myself I hit the dreaded roadblock.  Everything that flows off my brush I hate and I get frustrated and walk away. 

This block got so bad recently that I couldn't even bring myself to sit down in front of the canvas and I was terrified that this "block" was actually creating an energy block in my getting clients for the paintings I create specific to a persons energy. I also had the lovely fear that if I did get a client for a painting that I wouldn't be able to create as I had before.

Thankfully I have great friends and one of those amazing people in my life went the extra mile to help me break through.  After an amazing little healing session with my great friend Tim Kessler, which included an awesome visualization and some therapeutic sound healing, he took me on a little adventure.  We ended up at one of his friends where I got the opportunity to play with spray paint.  A medium I had never used before but found to be versatile and so very much fun. 

This small act on his part had a huge impact on me and allowed me to open up again to the creative flow.  Knowing that with intention and remembering that creation is fun, I was able to step back into the flow and allow the art to flow from within in me instead of trying to force a preconceived idea.  Trying to force the flow to happen was completely part of the block I had been facing.  I had forgotten how to allow and play when working with the paints.

In going through this I had a realization.  We face blocks or challenges in many areas of our lives and often get frustrated and feel like we are going in circles or just standing still.  When this happens I feel we need to look at how we are approaching the area in which we are feeling that block or challenge.  Have we forgotten how to play and flow in that area of our lives?  Are we trying to force things to happen based on our expectations?

The solution generally arises when we let go and allow. Releasing our expectations to the wind and find that place of flow once again.  Not having our heart set on a specific outcome and remembering that the universe always has our best and highest in mind even if the how of getting to the destination does not fit our preconceived ideas.

So think about it, if you are feeling boxed in or stagnant in any area of your life, try letting go of those expectations and trust that the universe has got your back.  This is the place that miracles happen, this is the place that creates those magical moments that time just cannot touch....

But hey, you don't have to take my word for it, after all, these are just one girls thoughts...


                              The picture below is what I painted after the break through...

 

If you would like more information about Nicole and the healing and artistic services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

 

 

If you would like more information about Tim Kessler and the services he offers please visit his website at www.livetikelife.com



A little bit of Awesome!!!

Right now I am reading "The Book of Awesome" by Neil Pasricha, and I have to say it is AWESOME.  It really makes you realize that there are so many little things in life that we take for granted that are truly awesome.  Things like an extra long hug, snow days, or the smell of freshly mown grass. The man is a genius and really hits it on the head.  It's all about perspective.

You could be having an awful day, nothing seems to be going right and BAM, out of nowhere you look down and there in front of you, just laying in the street is a $5 dollar bill.  Suddenly your day flips, your mood elevates and you feel like the luckiest person on the planet.  Wouldn't it be awesome if we could flip into that state without having to have something out of the ordinary and extraordinary happen?

We can, I promise you, we can.  It just takes a little bit of practice with perspective and how we view what is happening right now in the moment. 

We all have our days of glum, but what I have been playing with in my glum days is having little moments of gratitude and paying attention to the little awesome things that happen in my day.

Like the song I woke up with playing in my head coming on the radio during my commute to work.

Realizing there are leftovers in the fridge I can take for lunch, rather than just a sandwich. (Yum)

Having plans fall into place at the last moment, that you were really hoping for but weren't sure were going to happen.

Or that phone call from a great friend right when you have some time to chat.

When we forget to appreciate the little miracles that happen for us daily, it can make life feel like a bit of a downer at times.  We don't have to have huge wins everyday (though they are great aren't they). Having little wins throughout the day can really lift us up, as long as we are paying attention.

So I ask all of you to please take a moment and recognize the little wins, the awesome syncronicities, and the simple pleasures that are happening all the time around you.  Really appreciate the awesomeness of your day and be grateful.  We are all here to learn and grow but it is so important to have FUN while we do it.

But as always, these are just one girls thoughts, so you be the judge!

For more information about "The Book of Awesome" and author Neil Pasricha please visit his website at www.1000awesomethings.com

If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit
www.intuitivebalance.ca

Turn "What if" into Why not...

Today as I was driving in to Calgary I was pondering the funk I have been feeling off and on for the past couple of months (really), and  it brought me to thoughts of faith. 

When we hold faith what we are really doing is trusting. 

Trusting that everything is going to be OK. 

Trusting that it is all going to work out for our best and highest.

 And most importantly trusting in ourselves that we have the guts to keep putting one foot in front of the other, continually taking steps towards our hopes and dreams, which leads us to trusting that the universe/god/creator will back us up.

Right now in this very moment of time I am struggling with that trust.  I have reached a point in my life, in this moment, where I am actually making goals for myself on so many different levels and it is beginning to feel a little overwhelming. 

I have never and I mean NEVER been a goal setter.  I always thought that I would just roll with life and allow whatever was to be for me to be.  And to be honest I love that philosophy...

BUT I have realized that to propel myself forward, it is time to set some actual goals.  No more waiting around for the universe to step in and "show" me the way. Now is the time to start carving out a path for me and I gotta be honest here.  I am scaring the crap out of myself.

All those old doubts start to surface, you know what I'm talking about here.  All the "what ifs"

What if I can't do it

What if I try and I fail

What if I make an idiot out of myself in the effort

and the all encompassing... What if I'm not good enough...

So in feeling all of these doubts and wondering where in the world my always there, standby trust and faith has gone (remember all this is happening in my head while driving in my car) I look up and what do I see....

 a Hawk, with no fear, soaring high above the earth, in full trust that it will not fall.  The universe is supporting that Hawk as it soars through the air on wings of trust.  It does not question whether it can fly, it just does it.  So maybe I can too.

For the rest of my driving this morning I saw a total of 14 Hawks!!  All soaring high in the sky.  Must be a sign and for me it is one that rings very strongly in my heart as the Hawk is my main power animal and tends to show up for me when I am stepping in the right direction. 

So today I am taking my lesson from those Hawks and have decided to spread my wings and fling myself off the cliff.  I have also decided to leave all my expectations behind. 

They can stay on the cliff and dig their own little "what if" hole.  I don't need them anymore because I have wings.

But as you know these are just one girls thoughts, so you tell me, where do you find that trust?  How do you manage to step forward through all the what ifs and do it anyway??  I would love to hear your stories and experiences so please feel free to leave them in the comments :)


If you would like more information about the services that Nicole offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

The cycles of grief

So my friends, yesterday was my moms birthday and as many of you are aware, she passed away last year.  This was the first birthday we have had since she has been gone, and last night I was all ready to write a blog post about how hard grief is and how it can sneak up on us and pull us under in an emotional whirlwind.

I do still feel this is true but events of the day and talking with an amazing friend have helped me to change my perspective somewhat about grief and the various ways it can affect us.

For me the last week or so has been very difficult in an under the surface way and of course I did not want to look at why I was feeling like hiding from the world.  I was doing everything I could to avoid acknowledging that I was hurting emotionally and missing my mom like crazy.

So yesterday my dad and I took a trip to where we spread her ashes last fall.  While we were there I felt peaceful, happy, and sad and lost all at the same time.  I was concerned about my dad and how he was dealing, and I was concerned about myself because I could see I was in full fledged avoidance mode.  If I don't look at it then it's not real.  If I don't acknowledge it then that can't possibly be what I am feeling.  This mode never really works, especially when you are in a space that you can see that you are in the avoidance mode.  It basically shatters the illusion really.

So we came back to the city, spent some time with family and then the world began to move on once more.  I couldn't seem to shake the feeling though.  That lost feeling of sadness and vulnerability, and some piece of me welcomed that feeling.  It really wanted me to just fall into it.  To allow it to grow and take over everything, my work, my feelings, my life....

This is where the original idea for a blog post was stemming from, that awful feeling of being alone to deal with the sadness of "losing" my mom.  That no one could possibly understand and that the feelings themselves seemed to have a life of their own that I could not shake.  In all honesty though, this could not be further from the truth.

There are many people out there who are dealing with grief on many different levels.  Whether it is the loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, or even the loss of a job.  Right now many people are also trying to deal with the "loss" of who they thought they were, or who they were striving to be and that is like a death as well.

We are ever changing and growing, the old falls away to make way for the new.  New Ideas, new inspirations, new thoughts.  Death is a part of our daily life and is integral to the development and learning that we choose to come here and participate in.

So through the amazing conversation with my friend Tim, who is also a life coach, I came to a beautiful realization and have renewed a commitment to myself that I had let slide a bit over the last couple of weeks. 

At my core, my essence is joy.  It is always there, it is always with me and no matter what I am going through, dealing with or feeling. That joy is always there right in the center of my soul, just waiting for me to remember and allow myself to connect to it.  To see the beauty of life that is all around me.  To see the positive in every situation and to really appreciate the simple things.  To be in the moment and allow myself to love that moment right now, as it is, with no expectations and no judgements.

So in short, I choose to remember my mom in joy, to grieve her in joy and to always love her as she is as much a part of my joy as she was a part of my life.  I let go of the need to wallow in sadness and to let that despair of not being able to physically connect with her in this life get me down.

Will I still have moments of sadness? you betcha, and I will allow these cycles of sadness to wash over me.  I will acknowledge them and feel them and then I will allow them to go.  I will consciously step into the joy of my memories of her.  I will cry with her and laugh with her, because she is with me always, in my heart and in my joy!

So you see my friends, you have a choice in how you decide to deal with your grief, in whatever situation that grief is stemming from.  You can choose to stay in the negative space, the sorrow and the sadness.  You can choose to wallow OR you can allow yourself to feel those feelings, connect with them on a base level and then let them go.  You can choose to step into the challenge of life, and you can choose to accept that challenge with an attitude of love and joy.

but hey these are just one girls thoughts, so I will leave you to make your own decision...

For more information about my friend, the amazing Tim Kessler and his coaching, nature questing, fitness and barefooting programs please visit his website at http://livetikelife.com/

If you would like more information about Nicole Tunheim and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Kinda feels heavy doesn't it...

Lately I have been talking to many people who have expressed that they are feeling heavy, tired and even a little low.  Almost like they are wading through heavy sand and just can't seem to lift their feet up high enough to create momentum.  I also have been feeling this in many areas of my life (of course the main areas I am feeling this resistance in are the ones I am trying to work on the most, lol)

So what is this heavy feeling that seems to be plaguing so many of us? 

Well as I understand it there is a heck of alot happening under the surface in our subconscious minds at the moment and we are doing an amazing amount of energetic shifting without even being consciously aware of it.  So maybe we should just cut ourselves a little bit of a break....

On top of this glorious unconscious shifting and the releasing of old patterns and limiting beliefs (that we don't even have to work at I might add), we are also clearing and releasing for our lineages and the ancestors.  The planet and all of us on it are actually doing the work to release the past, THE PAST!! 

This is huge and has not been done before.  We are in the process of clearing out the old energy and the old belief systems that have been carried for, well it feels like forever, so I am just going to say it that way... forever.  In reality (or at least the reality we perceive) we are really doing a major load of work here.

So my friends, cut yourself a break, and start looking at being ok with where you are right in this moment.  So if you are giving yourself a hard time because you have stepped back into some old habits that you had thought you had released for good, that's ok.  It just happens to be where you are right now in this moment.  Will those habits hang around forever, no they won't, but this is where you are so embrace it.  Love yourself in the moment, not when you think things will be perfect because frankly... Things are perfect RIGHT NOW!!

But hey, these are just one girls thoughts....

If you would like more information on the intuitive and healing services Nicole offers please visit the website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Balance... How exactly does that work again??

As I sit in this incredibly beautiful setting with the water in front of me, the sun shining and a light breeze playing in the nature of the day, I still have to wonder... where in the world did my balance go?

Did I ever really have it to begin with?? 

I have noticed that I seem to be a creature of extremes.  Growing up I was your average child of the 80’s with middle class parents who provided me and my brother with everything we could ever need.  Is this what perpetuated the cycle of instant gratification that my generation has become so dependent on? 

As a teenager I bought into the “grunge” movement and embraced a false depression that I think all teenagers play with while their brain attempts to re-wire itself.  I chose to deal with this by turning to marijuana and I fell deep into that pool of numbness so I could wade through life with no responsibility, just like I was able to coast as a child.

I woke up at 27, never really having grown or taken much responsibility for my life or what I wanted in the future... My first step upon waking was to leave my marriage and the world exploded with possibility.

So for the last 5 years I have been trying to find my balance in life while stepping into my power and onto my life path.  I left my corporate job; I went back to school and developed my natural gifts.  Now I work my dream job as an intuitive healer and artist, yet I am still struggling for balance.  I still live my life in extremes and boy do I love a good distraction. 

I talk a great talk to myself and to be honest my clients.  I channel great advice for balance from spirit for those who come to see me, yet I still cannot seem to step into and use that advice for myself. 

Oh I know that it would benefit me greatly to meditate daily, exercise regularly, and eat in a cleaner more health conscious manner.  I have days where I am determined to make changes the very next day.  Then that day comes and another distraction happens or my schedule gets in the way.

I have noticed that this is a pattern that other healers struggle with as well.  We are so busy making sure we are there for our clients that we disregard and “forget” about ourselves.  So how do we create the change that brings balance?

I think part of it is letting go of the expectation that it will all happen at once, as well as allowing ourselves to shift into that space of balance at our own pace.  No more being hard on myself if I just can’t bring myself to do yoga one morning, or if I really just want that chocolate cake.  But in saying this there does also have to be a conscious sense of moderation.  Maybe I want that treat but I don’t really need to have it every day. 

Also listening to what your body wants and needs, being aware of what will make me feel good and what is making me feel kinda crappy is a great step in the right direction.  So in the name of balance I plan (and I use this term loosely) to listen and make time for what my body, mind, emotions and spirit is asking for.  As well as listening when they speak up and tell me that what I just did, did not really serve me at all. 

Maybe this is all I can do in the name of balance right now, but I feel it is a step in the right direction.  But hey these are just one girls thoughts... you make up your own mind J

If you would like more information about the Intuitive, healing and artistic services offered by Nicole please check out the website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Windows to the soul or reflections of self...

The other day I was talking with a good friend of mine while driving from High River into Calgary (on hands free of course, safety first) and I had a HUGE realization...

Those of you who have read past posts will note that I have jumped back on the dating band wagon recently and was having some frustration with it, well, as my friend and I were talking a very interesting thought came into my head... basically it was:

In my past relationships I had fallen so very hard, not because I had found that ultimate romantic love, it would seem, but because when I peered into my partners eyes I saw their divinity looking back at me.  Divinity being pure love, how could I not respond with a deep love of my own... 

Over time, on some level, I would realize that this is what I was seeing and after myself and my partner had shifted each other and fulfilled that ever loving contract we set out to complete with each other in this life, it was time to move on.  At this point I was always left with one question... was that really love?  Was that really what a romantic connection, and unconditional love really felt like?

Obviously if I am asking this question than no it probably isn't, so what have I been responding to and "falling" in love with all this time. 

The realization I had while driving that day was that I was responding to and falling in love with the utter beauty and divine light of that persons soul as it was shining through in their eyes and as well I was falling in love with myself as the divinity of my soul was also being reflected back at me through their eyes.  Not in how they saw or perceived me but in the beauty of their soul I could not help but see the beauty in mine.  (Always comes back to us all being one doesn't it... lol)

Once again it was a perception changing thought and it has completely changed how I view relationships and love.  I can't help but see the divine being or soul of everyone now when I look into their eyes and I ultimately feel a deep connection and love with and for them (even when my human side rears its head and they are royally pissing me off). 

But this still brings me back to that question.... what is romantic love then? How can I see the divine in and love everyone around me but still have a beautiful unique connection with one person?  Does it even exist and will I ever really find it?

I will be honest at this point I have no answers to these questions but I do know that there are certain people who come into my life that I feel a bit of a different type of love for.  I don't want to say I feel more deeply or even that I feel more for these people.  All I can say is there is a different type of connection that I cannot name or place.  Some may call it soul family, or past life connections.  I simply see it as a convergence of energy and we obviously are resonating with each other at this time, and have somethings to teach each other.

Is that a definition of love... I don't know.  All I can do is continue to move forward with an open mind and an open heart, ever loving and continuing to recognize the beauty in everyone I meet.  Will that one person come along who sparks a little something more one day?  I am sure they will, but will it be forever, I won't ever know until forever happens I guess....

But hey these are just one girls thoughts so whose to say we have to wait for forever, maybe just maybe its about living in the moment and the energy of that moment, allowing yourself to let go and just feel without fear of consequence.

I wanted to share that when I had that realization while driving that day a hawk flew right in front of my car just barely missing my windshield.... this held great significance for me and completely reinforced the ideals behind that thought and this post



If you would like more information about Nicole and the services she offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Wait isn't this supposed to be fun?

If I could be who you wanted would I still like the person I have become?

Why is it we sometimes get in these cycles of wanting to be what everyone else wants us to be and we forget who we are or at least who we would like ourselves to be?!?  I have been stuck in this strange place lately where I want to be desired and I want to be wanted but at what risk to myself?

Can I continue to play this lovely game of what would you like from me today and still be able to look at myself in the mirror and love me for me?  OK this is already becoming a conundrum of questions that are leading us no where, and honestly it is not quite as bad as that (dramatic moment).  What has been happening is I have stepped back into the world of dating and am feeling discourage, frustrated and let down by the process and the discoveries I have made about myself in this process.

Oh and by stepping back into the dating world I mean online dating, which so far has been an exercise in frustration with a heck of a lot of effort and little to no connection.  Meeting people in person makes it so much easier to know if there is any point in talking, that energetic connection (even for friendships alone) is right there and very apparent.  In text though, not so much...

So in getting back on the band wagon, as it were, I have realized that many of those past relationship "wounds" that I thought I had gotten past and even healed are still there, just waiting to jump into light at the slightest provocation. 

One of these is the lonelies.  How much am I willing to compromise on just to have a companion or some flat out affection from the opposite sex.  How much am I willing to "put up with" that normally I wouldn't even consider just because I am feeling a little vulnerable and a little lost and would love to have that connection again. 

I gotta be honest here, I feel pathetic just writing about this but it's true.  I have watched myself compromise and put up with a lot just because I am hopeful that maybe, just maybe, a little piece of me will be fulfilled from this encounter.  Now I am not talking about one night stands, as much as I would love to say I can be detached enough to have a night of nookie and just walk away with no emotion attached, well that is just not me.  So those aren't even in the picture. 

I am talking about dating for the sake of dating but allowing myself to be sucked into the allure of just having someone, and then when my expectations (I know first issue right there) are not met, feeling disillusioned, hurt and even rejected.  Holy vicious cycle batman!!  Because even though I am hurt, I still stick around because I like the idea of having someone, even a not serious someone, just someone.  I allow my head and heart to be played with and to be honest no one but me is doing that playing.

I have had a couple of good friends call me on my Sh*t in the last couple of days and the message is really the same.  Dating is supposed to be fun, so what am I missing here that for me it has become a frustrating and ego killing experience. (I was so much better at this when I was 17). 

To be honest I think part of me cares a little too much, and another part is still putting to much owness on others for how I view myself.  If I could just know in my heart that I am really a kick ass person, who any man would be lucky to date let alone be in a relationship with, maybe I would be able to have more fun with this.  I could give or take the thought of rejection because frankly it would be "their loss".

So the plan now.... is to just focus on me.  To focus on reconnecting to that love I have for myself and for me to be the person I want to be.  No judgements, no limitations, just me for me.  Because I am a pretty awesome girl, but I am a much awesomer (is that even a word? spell check says no) girl when I am standing in my power loving me for me. 

Will this be a work in progress?  Oh yes I have no doubt, but at least I have an awareness around it now and I don't think I will be letting others dictate who I am on any given day anymore. 

It's time to get outta my head and back into my heart, I now just have to work on slowly allowing the mind to shut the heck up...

So if you have any advice to share on the path of dating, I would love to hear it!  And thanks for reading my rant, as you know these are just one girls thoughts...

If you can love with an open heart

in all areas of your life

then you can live in bliss

for you have found the secret

For more information about the intuitive and healing services Nicole offers please visit her website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Perspective, just a little bit...

It is so interesting how we can get caught up in our own perceptions and perspectives in life and miss some of the most amazing lessons and experiences that are hovering right in front of us.

I had a great realization today that I could have possibly been sharing amazing conversations with a close family member but because of my perception that he may not understand me or my beliefs I never gave it a shot.  Then I was directed to something he had written and posted and I was blown out of my perspective space and realized that sometimes asking may be the better course of action rather than sitting in assumption (can I make an ass out a u and me...)

It just goes to show that even when we are actively working to be open and accepting of everyone around us, judgement can sometimes creep in, at least for me that is as I can only speak of my personal experience. 

So what does this really say about my own judgements on myself (because any judgement we put on others is really an internal judgement waiting to be recognized)!?!

Well, I feel it says that I am actually not fully accepting the beliefs that I claim to carry as my own and upon some deeper reflection have realized that I am not walking all of my talk.  We live in a world where love is needed for everyone on all levels so acceptance can abound and I know many many people who are working on and with these ideals, but am I?

I will be honest, I am doing my darnedest to love myself and let go of judgement but part of that process is to follow the advice that seemingly falls out of my mouth when I am doing a reading, or a counselling session, or even an energy healing.  If you repeat the same message to 3 different people, you better listen up as well because that message is for you too.

I know all of these things on an intellectual level, so now how do I get them to resonate on a heart level so my follow through happens naturally?  Some would say fake it till you make it, but in all truthfulness that really doesn't feel very good.

What feels right is to ALLOW, step out of my own way and let the universe take the reins for a while.   Sit in the love of my heart and allow the rest of me to catch up a little.  I can already see some of the flow happening and I can feel the syncronisities falling into place, but I also can feel that niggling feeling of resistance. So I am going to ask the universe and my angels and guides to come in and dissolve it for me. 

It's so interesting how we feel we have to control and make everything happen for ourselves, when a simple little, hey guys I could use a hand here, on the energetic and spiritual level could be all you need to leap forward and watch the resistance vanish.  Sometimes I just have to laugh a little at myself. (in a good way of course)

So where are you sitting, in love, in the flow or maybe in a little bit of resistance.  Don't be afraid to reach out and up for a little hand, that's what our guides and angels love to do for us.  Help us out!  Maybe this will help you to step forward on a path that seemed a little daunting and scary at first.  Asking and allowing is really all it takes.  But hey these are just one girls thoughts, play with these ideas and you be the judge...lol

For more info on the services I offer please visit my website at www.intuitivebalance.ca

Shifting through Intention...

So I have not written for a while and I have to admit that the energies that have been flying around have me a little discombobulated!  A whirl wind of emotions have been flying through me and it feels as though there is little to no stability in the world right now,  well my world at least.

I know I have talked about fear and moving through blocks on this here blog before but I wanted to address them again as this is something that just keeps coming up for me.  Now I know that there are ways I can work through the blocks and fears that have been coming up over and over and yet I have been so incredibly resistant to those processes it's like I am constantly hitting myself over the head and still not listening.  I have talked with a few other friends as well that have been experiencing the same thing, this odd feeling of resistance to those things or processes that they know will benefit them and have fit comfortably into their routine before. So what is going on?!?

Interestingly enough the thought that has come up in regards to this is that maybe, just maybe we are holding onto a collective consciousness that is holding us all back globally!  Shocking idea I know but for those of us who have done so much work in release and moving forward, this is an explanation that makes sense.

Now some of you may be thinking, Oh OK put the owness on something else, something outside yourself that you cannot control, but the thing is we can control this too.  It is all about INTENTION! 

I personally am going to make a commitment to set an intention for myself and the world (sounds large I know but I thought I would give it a try) every night, to release all that is not serving me and all of us as a humanity, as a unit, as a whole.  If we all make this intention and other intentions like this with the premise of clearing ourselves and the earth and humanity as a unit, think of the shifts that could flow forward from it.  Think of the people that would benefit that are unsure of this type of work but need a helping hand to move forward.  I feel power in this and hope you will join me in this little experiment.  If you do I would love to hear about what shifts and changes you notice as your practice using this idea deepens...
Please contact me through my website at www.intuitivebalance.ca or via e-mail at nictunheim@gmail.com

I know these all are just one girls thought but this one girl is all about service too, how about helping me in my journey to help clear us all energetically through love and compassion as we tramp through our personal journeys of life...

Mirror Mirror in my Heart

Many of us in this journey we call life understand the mirror concept and that often what is bothering us on an external level is really a mirror for judgements that we are holding against ourselves....  Well I got hit with a couple of whoppers today I gotta tell ya, and I am still reeling from them.

The one that is closest to the surface at the moment was the realization that I and only I am the reason that my past romantic relationships have not worked out as well as some of my closer friendships.  Not only was I the party that ended both of my past significant relationships, but I was essentially alone in the decision to end them.  Both times my partners have not wanted the end to come, but of course I pushed the issue and that was all she wrote. 

I am by no means saying that there were not other factors involved in these decisions.  I didn't just wake up one day and say "hey, wouldn't it be fun to end my relationship today and cause myself and my partner a great deal of emotional pain"..... no there were "extenuating circumstances" but to be fair that was all they were, circumstances.

I was told today that in relationships of any and all kinds the only responsibility we have is to love the other person as best we can, and to ask ourselves on a daily basis "how can I love them better?"

 I gotta be honest here when I say it was like a punch in the solar plexus when this really hit home.  I have never done this in any relationship I have had except for my relationships with my family.  I was able to have this view when it came to my mom because she was sick and all I could do was love her, because I essentially understood that this was her journey to make, and her choice to make it whatever it needed to be for her.  All I could do was love her.

I have been able to have this perspective with my Dad and my brother as well.  Simply because I get that they have their own individual roads to follow.  Nothing I do or say will change that and there is no way I would ever cut them out of my life so again, all I can do is love them, for who they are and where they are right now.  Even if I sometimes don't agree with them, it's their journey and I respect that.

SO why have I never done this with my partner and lover in life??  Why have I always put parameters on that one person that I should be ever supportive, loving, and accepting of??  and what would happen if I were to just love, without boundaries, without conditions, and without expectations.  Taking steps each day to just love that person and all the people in my life the best I can, with no limitations....

I don't have the answers to those questions as I have never tried to love in this way before, but I will be honest I am a little scared.  To be in this space feels very vulnerable and I am a little concerned that my heart will be bruised.  BUT I am going to step forward into this anyway.  Starting with myself.

We all talk about how we need to love ourselves first and love ourselves unconditionally, but I don't know how well we really are at this concept we preach so much.  I know I have a rough go at not being hard on myself, and wow did I ever have a kick the shit outta Nicole session tonight when these realizations started to sink in.

Luckily though, I was able to stop, re-assess, and put a little perspective on it.  Maybe I haven't been great at loving in the past but that does not mean I can't be amazing at loving in the future.  So I am making a commitment to myself, here for all to read, that from this moment forward I am going to love me the best I can in every moment of every day. Because I deserve it.  I am also going to extend that love to everyone in my life. 

This isn't to say I may not still have my moments, but hey I will love you the best I can. All Ways!!

We all feel like this sometimes.... right??

Well I have been getting that message to slow down again LOUD AND CLEAR!  As per usual I have ended up with a cold to really get the message across cuz when I start rolling I always seem to forget about me and taking down time for myself. 

The frustrating part about this particular cold/message is that just when I feel it is lifting and I can get life back rolling again, it comes at me full circle and knocks me on my arse all over again, but in a gentle way (thank goodness). 

So why do I feel like I am struggling here??  Why do I feel like I am still holding myself back and am full of fear??  Fear of succeeding, fear of not succeeding, fear of getting too busy, fear of not being busy enough, and that all encompassing fear of not being able to help, not being able to serve, not being able to make a difference...

I have tried all the angles on letting go of these fears but obviously I have been missing something.  I have asked my angels and my guides to help me release them, I have done numerous clearing exercises, I have done reiki on myself and gone for reiki to energetically release but these thoughts and feelings are still hovering.  I have also talked to myself for hours on end about not being attached to someone elses journey and their outcome of life whether I happen to have a moment in it or not.

Am I the only one in this boat??  Everyone else seems to float through these types of doubts with ease and grace.  Even me... yes I have had a billion moments when I have walked through all of the fears I have listed above with my head held high and a beautiful inner knowing that everything is going to be OK.  But I gotta be honest with you, they creep back in.  You can call it EGO or just plain self doubt (an aspect of ego??) .

I feel like this all may just be plain old life... We come here to learn and grow.  To find a piece of heaven on earth and to live this life with joy and that is where I usually am in my feeling and thinking.  I embrace life with an attitude of joy that when I find it in others I am blown away by their perspective.  BUT I also realize that to really be able to achieve this outlook there does have to be contrast or we would not recognize what we have.  I feel one of the main reasons we come here to earth to have our human experience is to walk through the fear so we know how it feels to come out the other side.  To have moments of sadness and heartache so we know what true joy is.  And even to feel anger, jealousy and rage so that when we achieve balance we can appreciate it all the more and can access that beautiful emotion we call gratitude.

So where does all this leave me...

It leaves me with trust.  Trust in myself, trust in my intuition, trust in the universe/god/my higher self or source, whatever you would like to call it.  Trust that I am going to be OK and all I have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I have seen too many times how many doors can open if you just take one step towards your joy or towards your dream.  So I am going to keep taking those steps, even if it is a step inward towards quiet time and taking moments for myself. 

For those of you who read these rambling posts I would like to thank you for allowing me a venue to write through my process and to happen upon some of my own answers when I start feeling a little low and the fear of walking forward gets a little overwhelming.  So Thanks, thanks for reading and listening to this one girls thoughts....

You can be right, or you can be happy.....

I have heard this expression so many times in my life and it always seems to be directed at the husbands of the world. "You can be Right OR you can be Happy".  SO what exactly does this mean....

Does it mean that you have to give up on your personal expression in life and not have opinions anymore so that your relationships will run more smoothly.  I don't know about you but I think NOT. Here is my personal interpretation of this age old saying and I feel you can actually apply this to all areas of your life without giving up your own personal views and perspectives!!

How many times have you had a conversation with someone and they have been so adamant that their perspective was the "correct" way to look at whatever it was you were discussing that you actually did not even want to argue as it was so overbearing?? 

I have seen this happen many times in my life and can honestly say that it has been one of the factors that my past relationships did not work out as well as I had hoped at the time.  Mostly because I was the person who was so overbearing, I wanted to be right.  It was my way or the highway bucko. 

In the last 2 years or so I have slowly come to the realization that I personally would much rather be happy than right.  Sure I may have strong opinions about many topics in this world and I am very connected to my personal truth as I know it but that does not mean what I know is going to necessarily resonate with someone else. 

For all I know what I feel strongly about someone else may have a completely different outlook on and possibly think I am NUTS for thinking as I do and you know what??      That's OK. 

I would much rather hear out what that other persons perspective is and chew on how they see things for a while and see if I agree or not and how it may shift my perspective depending on how I feel about what they have shared with me.  I may also feel drawn to share my different perspective with them but by no means do they have to agree with me or conform to how I see the world.  Therefore I am Happy but not necessarily right in their eyes.

It is this connection to Joy and pure love of self, really knowing what your personal truth is and standing in it that allows this process of non judgement and letting go of forced conformity to thrive.

We are all spirits who are here having a human journey and part of being human is making up our own minds on how we decide to view the world based on our personal experiences.  This is what makes us unique in this journey!  Are we all still one at the core??  Of course we are, and if we are in a space that allows us to connect with that, so much of that judgement and the feeling of I HAVE to be RIGHT tends to naturally fall away. 

So I would love it if you all would decide to be happy instead of right.  Not that I am trying to force my view of the world on you or anything... these are just one girls thoughts after all!!  :)

A blooming flower is natures was of smiling at the world!!!
Come from your heart and listen to the song that surrounds you daily
Live a life of Joy my friends!!!!

Clarity and Quiet Time, blanketed in white...

The title sounds poetic right!?!  Lately, before I snuggle in to dream what dreams may come I have been pulling a couple, 3 cards from a Doreen Virtue Healing with the Fairies deck that I keep on the bed side table.  This is a little ritual that I started a week or two ago to help me start journaling every night.  It is really interesting the cards that are coming up in a repetitive manner, one of those cards is "Quiet Time".  This card speaks to taking time for yourself in whatever manner you would like to take it. Really doing something for you that you WANT to do and not that you need to get done. 
So today I honored that and have been blissfully inactive, reading and snoozing off and on while the world outside also appears to sleep while blanketed in white.  It's like the snow muffles the world and suddenly it gets quiet too.  In this state of blissful nothingness I spent some time thinking about clarity and the rash of confusion I feel I had been living in for the months since I lost my mom in August. 
Losing someone who is such a fixture in your life creates a hole and if you are not careful it can act as a black hole pulling into it anything and everything.  I have worked very hard to combat this by pushing forward in my life and almost forcing myself towards my goals, yet with the confusion and grief that was sitting on my heart, I fell a little off track and had to learn some interesting lessons to pull me back to my center.  I had to re-learn how to stand up for myself and what I believe in.  I had to re-learn that if the energy is not a good fit for me I am allowed to walk away, and finally I had to re-learn that my intuition is right, to follow my gut and that there is nothing more important than my happiness. NOTHING!! 
In learning these lessons I have had to swallow my pride a couple of times and instead of admitting defeat, I have accepted change, I have walked through my fear of making choices based on my heart instead of my head and I am still working with and learning to trust daily.  It has been amazing the doors that have opened and are starting to open for me since this year began.  I am incredibly grateful.
Now don't get me wrong, I am still grieving for my mom and I still have my moments of having a heavy heart but it is an easier load to carry with a little clarity on where I want to go and the trust to follow that intuition and my heart.
Soooo I do want to talk a little bit about different ways to clear your personal energy that can help to clear your head...
One very common way to clear your energy is to use sage, you can burn it and waft it onto and into your personal space.  The smoke will clear out any negative energy that you may be carrying, and if you set the intention to also release anything that is not serving you or is not yours to carry this energy will fall away as well.  You can also use sage to clear your home, office, car or any space where the feeling is heavy or negative.
Another excellent clearing or clarity technique is visualization.  There are many great CD meditations that offer clearing meditations that are simple and easy to use.  (Doreen Virtue has some great ones). If you prefer to do this on your own, I recommend that you find a quiet space, sit comfortably and turn your vision in, visualize what your personal energy looks like and then you can use white light to clear out any dark areas or you can ask the angels and archangels to come in and help you clear. (I personally ask Archangel Michael to come in and he shows up with a vacuum and vacuums all the negative energy off of me)
You can also use visualization while in the shower as the sensation of the water running off of you can help with the visualization of the energy being cleansed. 
If you prefer to use sound, Tibetan and crystal singing bowls are great for clearing personal energy and spaces.

And finally (and this is one of my favorites) you can lie down and focus on your physical body.  Tense up each area of your body and then relax and release, with the release you are also clearing the energy of that area of the body.  I recommend that you work from your head to your toes as this encourages the energy to flow down into the earth.  An example is to tense up all the muscles in your face and then relax and release, then move onto the muscles in your neck.

All of the exercises that I have mentioned are also a form a meditation and can really help bring clarity into the mind, especially if you are struggling with a specific decision or situation.
So feel free to give some of these a whirl and if you have any questions or suggestions of your own on clearing please comment, I would love to help or hear yours. After all these are just one girls thoughts...

The music of a new generation

Lately I have been noticing that many of the songs that are popping out into the main stream have an amazing message of one kind or another.  They carry messages of hope, love, perseverance, the strength to leave desperate situations and the determination to move forward with life with joy and love.  Now it could be that I am in a place to finally notice these messages within the music and that they have been present all along OR this could be an indication of the shift in energy that we are globally participating in.  This shift appears to be bring an amazing faith in positivity to the forefront of our minds, allowing us to rejoice in so many different areas, and I gotta say I am stoked that it has hit the main stream music market.  Some of the artists that come to mind and currently have songs in the top 20 (I think, lets not quote me here ok) are Hedley with One life and Invincible, Nickleback with When we stand together (I know, I can hear the collective groans but hey, the song has a good message), Rhianna with We found love, and Flo Rider with I've gotta good feeling.  Many of these songs have moved me so strongly it is like they have imprinted onto my soul.  I cannot help but feel so happy when I hear I've gotta good feeling by Flo Rider, and I have taken up Invincible by Hedley as my own personal theme song for the current phase in my life.
I know I am not alone in music moving me and speaking to something deep within me, but I do wonder if anyone else has noticed a shift in the current themes our main stream music has been putting out there.  Are we collectively moving away from the angst-filled music of my teenage years into a movement of hope and unfailing positivity??  Or is this just where the Pop music scene is headed?? 
I am by no means an expert in anything music so any other ideas from those of you who are musically oriented or more involved in the current music scene would be appreciated.  Cuz as I am sure you are aware these are just the thoughts of this one girl...

Well Hello

So this is the first entry on this page one of this one girls thoughts, and I have to say this is a little easier than I thought it might be.  I mean if I am just rambling then, well, ok maybe not so easy...
As I sat here and looked at the daunting blankness of the computer screen before me I am reminded of how it is like to journal.  Often I have gone for a reading or a healing and one of the messages that comes through is, "Nicole you should really start to journal, it will help you organize your thoughts and be great for getting in line with your gratitiude." but it seems that these people who are asking me to do this are natural writers.  They understand how to put words on the page while I on the other hand sit in my bed, staring at the blank page asking myself what in the heck do I have to write about anyway...  so my journals end up having a general feel of "here this is what I did today" no special insight comes through, no AHA moments for me to feel I have really had that great breakthrough that I keep being told journalling will bring to me.
Soooo I have made a deal with myself and the NEW journal I bought just the other day.  The deal is this, I will pull 3 cards from my Doreen Virtue Healing with the Fairies deck each night and in this journal I will write what those cards are and what message each has that really stands out to me and if any of it relates to my day or where my thoughts are at this time.  I think I am hoping that I will be able to look back and read that WOW I was actually on track when I thought I was so lost in the woods.  Maybe just maybe this will lead to an actual journal experience that I keep reaching for and keep feeling that I am missing as my thoughts turn to "what the heck do I have to write about anyway"
The funniest part of all this mind jargan is that it really is my personal expectations of what journally should be that are really holding me back, oh perception how you foil me. haha.
So I hope any of you who have decided to read this have been in the very least a little entertained by the ramblings of this one girl.  Maybe these ramblings have even made you think, and maybe you will even pick up a journal today and try out a not so in the box way of journally.  If you do I would love to hear about it, just leave a comment below :)

Happy writing everyone!!